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As the CEO of an organization of 125 people, psychiatrist Carl Bell, M.D., learned firsthand that having a mission not only prevented conflict between workers, but also helped people deal with conflict once it erupted. As an expert on the subject of violence, he has found that defining a mission also helps prevent violence in families.
"Being mission driven counteracts the potentially destructive outcome of conflict or aggression," said Bell at the symposium "Violence and Abuse: Full Circle" at APA's 1998 annual meeting in Toronto in June. The symposium was sponsored by the APA Auxiliary.
Conflict, power, and dominance issues arise sooner or later in all intimate relationships, said Bell, but if those in the relationship have and are committed to a mission, that mission supersedes the need to be dominant and the need to respond to injury with violence. Bell said that the mission he and his wife agreed on was to have children and provide a safe and nurturing environment for them.
People will often participate in discussions about family mission because of the fact that human beings are interested in discovery, in learning about the world around them, said Bell. It is critical to society's well-being to turn families away from violence and toward discussion of mission, he added.
Psychiatrists, mental health professionals, and clergy can help families think about their mission in several ways, said Bell. They can help young couples discuss their values and goals before they get married and ask them to think about how they will make time to bond and develop attachments.
"Be clear with people that they need a map to get where they are going," said Bell. If people are going to have children, they have to have a safe, warm, loving environment. Spouses need to have a loving relationship.
When working with families, professionals should talk with each individual family member about their personal mission, their goals for where they would like to be in the next five and 10 years, and how their mission fits with that of their family. Family members should ask themselves whether they have the same values.
"By having a high-level discussion around values and mission" said Bell, "you help people clarify around those risk factors."
Next, he said, families should have a conversation about the impediments to being a mission-driven family. Some of these hindrances include an inability to provide adequately for the biological needs of the family, lack of clarity about five-year goals, not having universally accepted principles to drive the mission, and lack of communication.
If families invest time and money in their mission and learn basic conflict resolution and communication skills, they are more likely to achieve their goals, said Bell. Psychiatrists can help couples learn to support one another's mission as well as that of the family. When talking to families about being mission driven, he said, have them think about systems theory and how changing their family system changes society.
A very important part of creating a mission is to establish clear procedures to follow if violence occurs within the family, said Bell. For example, if a husband becomes violent, the wife will call police and get a restraining order. Knowing the consequences of such behavior may well deter a man from hurting someone, he said.
In some cases, it is very difficult to prevent violence from occurring, said Bell. Risk factors for family violence include unclear expectations and standards for children's behavior, excessively severe or inconsistent punishment, parental failure to monitor children's activities, conflict between parents, conflict between parents and children, and parental endorsement and involvement in violent behavior.
Violence is also difficult to prevent in a community where there is no social infrastructure, said Bell. If people feel no connection to one another or to the institutions in the community, they are more likely to be destructive. Public health strategies to prevent violence do not work well in a community where there's no social fabric, he said. Health professionals have to provide leadership and establish ways of managing resources that develop social infrastructure and support systems that will prevent maltreatment. Once they do that, said Bell, they can accomplish other goals and help families learn to prevent violence.
Teaching families to work toward a mission represents a paradigm shift away from a dominance/submission model that has long prevailed in the United States, said Bell. The old leadership model was based on a style learned in the military that has proven to be destructive in both business and families, he said. When men start to bully their wives, said Bell, things fall apart.
"If we fix the system rather than the symptom, we'll have a better society."