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By F.M. Baker, M.D., M.P.H.
As I was attempting to identify resources to help the children of an older patient, I was reviewing my library and found Forget Me Not by Alan P. Siegal and Robert S. Siegal. It was published in Berkeley, Calif., by Celestial Publications in 1993. This small book is an invaluable aid for the clinician attempting to help the family coping with an ill older family member.
The management of acute illness in an older parent who lives several miles away for an adult child can be a time of increasing anxiety and concern. Additional complexity is added when the parent and adult child are separated by several thousand miles or the caregiving parent for a demented parent is no longer able to manage and "something must be done." Forget Me Not provides a key reference written in lay terms. It is a practical guide that addresses the most frequently occurring emergencies affecting families whose elderly members become acutely ill. It also provides important recognition of the conflicting feelings that frequently surface within the caregiver and also between family members. The book outlines specific strategies to resolve these feelings and to "clear the air."
The authors provide supportive and, if indicated, directive suggestions for the anxious caregiver unfamiliar with formulating the key questions needed to identify needed resources. Difficult questions such as how to select a sitter, companion, and/or home health care agency are addressed with specific "how to do it" detail. Most important, how to avoid becoming "burned out" with the caregiving task by failing to build time into the schedule for the individual providing the caregiving is addressed.
As we work with older persons and their families, it is very helpful to have a resource that we can give them to supplement and to reinforce the information and suggestions that we offer. As these authors point out, less than 33 percent of what we share with our patients' families may be remembered.
Part three of the book provides an enumeration of pertinent resources and references. The addresses and telephone numbers of various resource groups (such as the Alzheimer's Association, Children of Adult Parents, Gray Panthers) and agencies (such as the National Association of Home Care, National Association of Spanish-Speaking Elderly) are also included. It also lists the state agencies on aging for all 50 states, providing an essential starting point for caregivers. A model copy of a living will is included as well.
This is a jewel of a book that clinicians will find very helpful in his or her work. As a practical guide and resource manual, it will be an invaluable aid for the families addressing these issues.